A couple days ago, Ashley graduated from UCLA. I am so entirely proud of her. I know she's been transformed here at UCLA and I know this school has done her good. Although it has worked her ass off and stressed her out in ways I have never seen, it has also provided her life with meaning through outlets such as Unicamp.
I know something that pains her is that Dad never got the chance to see his daughter graduate from such a prestigious university. When Mark graduated, he didn't bother walking the stage and my parents didn't even know he graduated until they mailed home his diploma. Dad could have had the chance to see one of his children walk the stage wearing that black gown and have her name called out. I know he would have to so happy and I know it would have made him proud.
I remember my high school graduation. I could possibly have been one of the worst days of my life. I remember crying so much because he wasn't there to see me graduate and he died not knowing that I was going to attend a university. It killed me so much inside. Being there at Ashley's graduation made me extremely emotional not only for her, but for my future.
I'm scared to graduate. I'm scared of breaking down again because Dad wouldn't be there and would never have known of my accomplishments. This fear is also demonstrated when I think about my future wedding and not being able to have a "Father-Daughter" dance. I've planned it out in my head to be replaced with a "Brother-Sister" dance, but with a graduation, you can't change that.
I don't want to graduate. I'm too scared.
No comments:
Post a Comment