Big Change

I honestly didn't realize how big of a change this relationship was from my previous relationship.

Well, alright, let's be honest. I knew it was a big change especially since the subjects are quite different from each other. But I guess the thing that astonishes me the most is the dynamic of the relationship and how I've changed and become a different part in this new relationship.

I was with someone who needed to talk to me every single night, texted back a reply to every text that was received, had my pictures pasted everywhere in his room, and spoke about me constantly. He honestly revered me like I was a goddess-his goddess. He was definitely the clingy one in the relationship. I mean, for goodness sakes, he kissed pictures of me, kissed me through the phone, and even asked for me to return the phone-kissing favor. Yea, I know right?

And now? I definitely dig the independent nature of this one, but there's one big thing that perks my brain cells and gets them running around like mad. He's TOO independent and possibly TOO... DGAF. I feel like I've turned into the clingy one, although I'm not as clingy as...you know who (see above paragraph).

Okay, I'm a talker-everyone knows that. I LOVE to talk. And the fact that we barely talk is quite bothersome. When something interesting goes on in my day, I'd love to share it with him, but I find myself having to write it down so that I can remember to tell him if and when I talk to him. And by the time I tell him about it, the passion and fire about the topic has already lost it's niche. My emotions about it aren't so strong anymore and I just don't want to talk about it because it wouldn't do the topic justice.

Writing about it is impossible too because the essential idea of it may be lost in translation once put on paper. I can ramble on for hours, but I'm pretty sure this space won't be able to contain my thoughts and ideas.

Grr... sometimes it really pisses me off; sometimes it makes me extremely sad; and sometimes I just want to call up the latter just so I can have someone to talk to. HOW SAD IS THAT? Friends can do the trick maybe sometimes. But if the initial conversation was struck up with them, you can't explain it back to them again!

All in all the situation puts my emotions on a rocket ship and just flies it out of this universe. I don't want to be portrayed as clingy, because I'm honestly not. Really, I'm not. It kind of just sucks being the one who needs instead of being the one who is needed. I'm not used to it. The fact that the two relationships are so radically different is catching me off guard and I'm definitely not liking the surprise.

And then there's always that thought in the back of my head that I'm not interesting enough for him to talk to me from time to time. I get the feeling that he thinks I'm not up to par or that he thinks he's too good for me. Or possibly even the fact that I'm not as important to him therefore he can easily bypass me.

I mean if that's the case, at least let me down slowly, don't just... drop me.